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With each day that passes I am closer to death.

rust spine

My body doesn’t recover as well as it once did, and I dare say, is degenerating noticeably,  but my spiritual and emotional self becomes more capable with time.

Maybe death is the letting go of the need for a body and moving all energy into consciousness.


The last couple months are the ones were it finally happened. That knowing of death in the less and less distant future. Gone are the days that although I KNOW no one lives forever, it still doesn’t feel real that I might cease to exist.

So what am I doing?
How am I spending my time?
What is important?

On this day:

In 2013 – they are everywhere
In 2012 – moving away from things
In 2009 – The Dartmouth Review
In 2007 – I need a garden
In 2005 – I DO want a kitten ranch!

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Short-Lived Hobbies are my Thing

Sewing, Knitting, Wood-carving, Figure-Drawing…

These are all things I’ve been into sometimes or another and then have let go of a bit (or a lot).
It’s typical for me to do a thing for a while and then move on to a new thing.

Lately, my mind has turned to foraging and, more specifically, mycology.

mushrooms - potter
It started about a month or so ago, when I was preparing for my first ever canoe-camping trip. I wanted to look up the edible foods of the region where Shawn and I were staying and I found a wonderful resource (which I forgot to bookmark and am now worried I’ll never find again) which showed imaged of the mushrooms as well as warnings for similarities to non-edible varieties, and information on their growing conditions, which gives clues for where to look.

And it continued when I successfully identified some mushrooms on a day-trip to Meech, but was still too nervous to do any picking.

And it has been compounded by the amount of money I’ve been spending on chanterelles lately.

AND THEN, I read this article about my favorite author/artist as a child, who was a mycologist herself and  produced illustrations which are still referred to now (she died in 1943) for identification purposes.

So this is my newest interest. I feel like I’ll do some self-guided learning until I’m comfortable enough to go on my own, or maybe I’ll find some kind of Mycology Master to go out a-foraging with.

On this day:

In 2012 – Back in my teenage internet days
In 2008 – Parent-blogging
In 2006 – Book taunt

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The truth.

The truth is that I’m dangerous.

The truth is that I want to cry a whole lot.

The truth is that I want to smash things.

The truth is that sometimes, things need to be set on fire.

The truth is that I no longer recognize this reflection.

The truth is that destruction is necessary before rebuilding.

The truth is that I can’t tell where the edges of that reality are.

The truth is that I am whole.

The truth is that my truth deserves expression.


On this day:

In 2014 – Shawn gave away our pencil sharpener.
In 2012 – welp…
In 2008 – depression and betrayal
In 2005 – “Sometimes I re-live conversations in my mind and I catch myself making facial expressions to go with them.”

Agency during conflict resolution.

I was just riding to work and on campus we have basically a big one way street with a counterflow bike lane.

I was just getting on campus and about to join said lane when a taxi pulled out in front of me from a loading dock, went the wrong way down the one way street and was driving over the bike lane. I had to quickly veer onto the sidewalk.

Because I am a human on a bicycle, I shouted HEY really loudly. I do not have a horn like a car does. I kept my pace, which happened to be slight faster than the taxi, who had to watch for all the oncoming traffic, and I pulled out in front of it at the intersection where he obeyed the stop sign for bicycles (you know, the mini kind?).

I was about to let go of my “almost got into an accident” adrenaline and tell him all the dangerous things he was doing when some model cyclist (with the lycra suit and a camera helmet etc) rolled up and politely said to him

“Excuse me sir but you are driving on a cycle path. Please try to avoid it in the future. In fact, you almost hit this person. It’s quite dangerous.”

and he forgot the one way street problem!!!

At this point, the cab driver starts to let his car roll forward to leave. You know, while I am stopped right in front of it.

So I got to shout DO NOT EVEN MOVE RIGHT NOW because I am not fucking interested in that intimidation attempt.

I hopped up on my bike, went in a little circle in front of him, and went on my way.

But really, I feel like an important opportunity to assert myself has been taken from me. I clearly was making noise about this and was handling it. I think the polite bystander should step in when injustices happen and the victim can not handle the altercation.

On this day:

in 2014 – yes this forever
in 2009 – and this is very true as well. Seaming in the crotch is also a big issue.
in 2008 – not a gymnast, DOES do a fainting pose frequently
in 2006 – a bunch of photos from around the Glebe
in 2005 – where did I go?