Is there a word for sadness mixed with hopefulness?

I own land.

It’s so far away.

My dad died 15 years ago and we owned this land together and it was leased out to his bro-friend for all this time and now I have it. On the first of January, the lease on it ended and Shawn and I road-tripped there to check it out. It was super weird for me.

The land is so gorgeous. It’s a big private peninsula. It has rocks and trees and lake and it’s own miniature island. The drive there is brutally long. It makes it Not Worth Keeping, which is fine because I can transfer that capital into a living space and cottage-place here.

Anyway, that’s not the discussion. Going there with the intention of taking out any remaining memories and artifacts and saying bye to a place that was really important to my dad was rough. It was also rough because it’s actually a 3 season cottage and I couldn’t figure out how to turn on all the baseboard heaters so we made a little camp in front of the wood stove and even then we were still seeing our breath.

Shawn went through everything in the space while I mostly just observed and gave opinions on keep/toss and told some anecdotes. It was so perfect. I just had to take everything in and process what it all meant. I still don’t know. I’m writing this all while not knowing how I feel about it.

I dunno. I’m excited about what the future holds for me because of this cottage but I’m sad that keeping it and using it regularly isn’t really viable.

I didn’t take any pictures while I was there, except for one, of the road ahead while driving away in the middle of a snowstorm.

On this day:

In 2014 – ha this is funny because I actually have a sleepover ‘booked’ for tomorrow night.
In 2012 – GOSH mini-Molly
In 2008 – pregnant-birthday-extravaganza
In 2006 – OMG Goldstein’s! Now it’s a dollar store 😦
In 2005 – not bad!

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