Healing

Oh GOODNESS.

Three weeks ago I started to feel a cold coming on and then I got my flu shot (along with Shawn and the kids) and then the cold kicked in and I was incapacitated for an entire week.

I mean, I lived on my sofa by day and my bed by night for fully 8 days and then the following Monday I went to work and was just feeling so awful and still sick. My doctor said I was no longer contagious and that the flu shot kind of holds up an immune system for 2 weeks so it would take me longer than usual to beat this cold. Bad timing! I’m still a coughing, snotty mess and any exertion leaves my heart racing and my lungs aching but I’m healing.

UGH but it’s hard because I’m not just healing my body but I’m also healing my heart and my soul. I’ve realized that I do so much internal work in the dark months and then I spend the bright months just living off the fruits of that labour and anything that’s difficult just gets pushed aside until the darkness falls again.

I’m healing from a lost love.
I’m navigating a way to break the link between my sex life and my feeling of self-worth.
I’m healing from a violation of my trust.
I’m continuing to figure out how to be a co-parent with someone with whom I had a bad relationship.

These are all good things to move through but there are ramifications of doing all this work right now. I have less social energy, and I’m worried about letting people down in all my various relationships.

On this day:

In 2007 – An example of pregnancy rage. (TW ableist language before I knew better)
In 2006 – I want cheese fondue

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One Comment on “Healing”

  1. Oh wow I relate to this so much:

    “I’ve realized that I do so much internal work in the dark months and then I spend the bright months just living off the fruits of that labour and anything that’s difficult just gets pushed aside until the darkness falls again.”

    Thinking of you. ❤


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