fertility and infertilityPosted: December 6, 2013
Nearly a year ago, I had a tubal ligation (summarized in ONE TWO THREE parts). I was fortunate that I had this as a birth control option, and that it was covered by my provincial health care plan. I paid not one cent for this (other than paying my taxes because I’m a pro-taxation person). I had lots of really great reasons for doing this:
– I have two wonderful children
– Pregnancy is hard on me in many ways, the most significant being severe depression
– IUD and chemical birth control don’t work for me, I don’t want to rely solely on barrier methods
Even though this is 100% what I wanted, I still struggle with the fact that I am now infertile.
-Now and then, I get the baby rabies, although it’s definitely not as intense or long-lasting as back when I was trying to conceive.
-My partner speaks about wanting kids someday and we have the kind of relationship that allows him the space to pursue this but part of me is all I want to help you do this and my first instinct on that is Make A Baby In Me but there are so many other options so after feeling sad for a day I move on.
-I’m in a situation where having the type of birth I had wanted would be fully supported and I feel like I missed out on what could have been a more amazing experience.
For the past few days, I’ve had feelings of nausea whenever I ate. I thought to myself, there is a chance the tubal ligation didn’t fully work. There’s no way to test it other than waiting to see if I ever become pregnant again. And then I realized that I haven’t taken my B-12 since I moved in September and my old anemia symptoms are coming back.
I don’t regret the choice I made to have this surgery, but sometimes I still feel like I’m grieving something. That’s ok. That’s making real choices in life.
On this day:
In 2008 – “that hot chocolate is better than average sex”
In 2007 – that time I was taking care of my MIL’s dogs while pregnant and being barely able to function
In 2006 – I still dig that alarm clock