the view from here

When I was a teenager I was breaking so much ground and making so many discoveries. I often felt like I was seeing the world in completely new and innovative ways. It was so thrilling and satisfying.

Looking back on this blog, I saw a couple posts reminiscing about those time. I have many posts about feeling like that spark was missing or about looking for a new ‘hobby’. I thought I had lost all of my shine.

Just over a year ago I found an old diary I used to keep with Sarah and she sent me some if the letters I would mail to her in those years. I was so excited to read them and see shining examples if those times. And I was so surprised when I read them.

They were fun to remember and sometimes we wrote the most ridiculous stuff to each other but, the concepts that I thought were so…magical… were, by this stage in my life, a simple matter of course. So It wasn’t that I was incapable of having deep thoughts and revelations, but that I had moved beyond the type I was having as a teenager, and was now stuck in a no-growth state.

I had done all the learning that could possibly be done in the life that I had. There was no more room to grow. I’ve gone through some big changes and it has resulted in me being able to explore and discover all over again. I’m lining things up for myself in a way that will hopefully avoid putting limits on myself.

Looking back, I’m already thinking “old news” to stuff I thought was so surprising and amazing just a year ago. I’m excited about the path ahead of me. I have no idea where it will go, but I do know that I’ll get to make lots of choices and shape that path to be whatever I want.

On this day:

in 2010 – this is about barf
in 2007 – this is about drumming
in 2006 – this is about being tired of answering questions
in 2005 – this is about not needing a man but choosing to associate with them

 

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