soaringPosted: August 30, 2012
I’m having such a shitty emotional day.
I do not want to be with Brent anymore. I have done everything I can to take what we have and make it something I can be satisfied with but it’s not working and it will not work and I am absolutely certain of that. And this isn’t a case of thinking that because of any other awesome people in my life. It has been true for some time.
I am very excited to move and be in my own space. But I’m also a little… hrm… I don’t want to feel lonely. And it’s kind of ridiculous that’s on my mind because I very rarely feel lonely right now and it’s not because of Brent’s involvement in any capacity of my life so really, I’ll be able to have more freedom to connect with people than I currently and have had.
I think I’ll miss the idea of having an automatic hangout buddy. But maybe a big part of why I’ve felt neglected in my marriage is that I had that idea in my head and routinely was passed over for hangouts by other solitary activities Brent wanted to do.
Maybe this is a concept I need to let go of? But I don’t want to. I feel like the main thing I want from a partner is to feel “in on it” in as many aspects of our lives as possible. I like the idea of my accomplishments having been bolstered by my partner and of me helping my partner attain and realize their dreams. I want us to be in complicity, in a general sense