My time is valuable and you need to respect that.

I don’t believe in the whole “cry it out” thing when it comes to babies and toddlers. I’m not going to write about the reasons why. It’s pretty well summed up in this great post by Annie at PhD in Parenting. This parenting philosophy comes with time and commitment requirements. As with Bobby, at this age, Molly only falls asleep without crying when I hold, nurse and soothe her to sleep in an environment free of distractions (And for the record, Bobby has been falling asleep on his own after a couple of stories for two years now). For us, that is our living room. It’s where she spends the most time and doesn’t have new and interesting things to look at.

For me, this means that until Molly is asleep (because when she is awake she is ALL OVER ME lately) I don’t get time for the things I HAVE to do nor for the things I WANT to do. I COULD toss her into Brent’s arms and go see a movie but for us, that is the WRONG thing to do. I know that I am making this choice and my personal time being limited is the consequence. I do however feel that the people who spend time in my home have a requirement to respect this choice and do whatever they can to facilitate it.


So what does this mean? This means, if you are in my home when I am trying to help Molly fall asleep;

  • don’t walk back and forth in front of us
  • don’t talk to me!
  • don’t watch a show and laugh at it
  • don’t talk to Molly!
  • don’t start whispering, because that’s no better
  • don’t decide that is the time to let the dogs out of the house
  • don’t prepare yourself a snack in the adjoining room that has no partition
  • don’t whistle
  • don’t come in and out of the house
  • don’t just stand nearby in that way that is palpable

The list of examples could go on. Imagine if someone was doing all these things right next to you while you were trying to fall asleep! Don’t all people need a nice, sooting and relaxing environment?

So this is what you should do. If you must be in the same room, be silent and relatively motionless. This is easy. Read a book. In your head. If you have stuff to do all over the place, too bad. Wait 20 minutes. This is where we live with our family and that is my priority, even if you evenly guest, even if it’s SUPER IMPORTANT. Because the longer you do things that prevent Molly from sleeping, the more you are saying TO ME: “Your time is not valuable”

On this day:

In 2008 – Brent writes about me giving birth.. a little (he did a more in-depth post a few days later)
In 2007 – I really like this post. I didn’t even know hipsters were a ‘thing’ as long ago as 2007 HA!


3 Comments on “My time is valuable and you need to respect that.”

  1. T says:

    I’m confused about why her dad putting her to bed is not right for your family?
    You could move this ritual to her bedroom (it may take a night or two to stick).

    This post sounds really angry and I wonder if the anger is more about something else?
    There is a rigid tone.

    When was the last time you took a yoga class that was not about exercise? Where the instructor reminds “let it go, go with the flow, ease into it, it’s all good, accept where you are, etc”.

  2. Tiana says:

    This post absolutely came from a place of anger, but the anger is definitely, about this and people being in our home and not respecting our routine in any way, even though I was very clear about it (nicely obviously).

    Brent putting her to bed doesn’t work at this time, because she still nurses to sleep and if I’m not available (at home or not) she cries for over an hour which I am not at all ok with. Bobby went through the same thing until he was night weaned and at that point Brent was easily able to settle him for bed time.

    We are transitioning the falling asleep routine to her room over the next few weeks. I need to modify her room for distractions/furniture he likes to climb etc. but that is definitely in the cards for the imminent future.

  3. T says:

    oh yeah, still nursing, of course. Makes sense. Friends who don’t have children not respecting the space and the specific needs of a child are a huge frustration. I get it.

    Good luck moving the sleep routine and goodness I hope she transitions into falling asleep every night as easily as Bobby did.

    It’s an exhausting part of parenting at that age when they don’t do bedtime easily.

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