A Halloween Horror

For Halloween, we decided to dress Bobby up in his costume (super cute giraffe) and bring him over to the homes of a few friends and family members.  First on the list was my mom’s place since she picked out and paid for the costume.  (Aside; I think next year I’ll start making them).

I’ve never been to the house where she lives now.  Some of you may think this is because of my long-standing issues with my mother’s boyfriend, but the real reason is that I’ve never been invited.  This is strange because before she lived here, my mom would invite me over all the flippin’ time.  I knew something was up and I had my suspicions over time.  Turns out, they were correct.

We got to her place and range the door bell.  A few a minute her and her BF came to the door and were delighted to see our little giraffe boy.  I had to ask if we could actually be let in.  A few steps in and it hit me.

THE SMELL

The smell of 17 years worth of smoking 2 packs a day without opening a window.  A smell so thick that even now I feel it lingering.  The smoke smell is so all-consuming that there could have been 5 year old rotting bodies all over the place and I would not have smelled them.

THE SIGHT

The sight of 17 years worth of collecting any item deemed worthy.  Every surface had things on it save for two tiny spots for two butts to sit on the sofa and the kitchen counter.  There was a 2 foot path throughout the floor to get from one area to the next.  There were old TV’s and Radios that hadn’t worked in DECADES.  There were figurines and old photos and glass ceiling lamp covers under the tables. I was shocked. SHOCKED.  This is not how my mother lives….  She’s always been so tidy. Annoyingly tidy.  She moved into his place.  This is not how she lives… Yet now… it is…

She tried to brush it off as a temporary thing but we both knew I wouldn’t believe that.  After a couple of minutes I suggested we all go play in the backyard.  To get away from the smoke, and the try and forget the horror.  My mother looked worried.  SHe said we’d have to go through the basement and that ‘it’s a bit messy because we just brought the stuff in from outside”.  It was the same as upstairs except the stuff was bigger.  We couldn’t even get the door to the backyard open the entire way.

It broke my heart to see the shame and embarrassment in her eyes.  I did my best to make her feel like everything was okay, we were just there to visit and have fun.  We left after about a half hour.

I’ve decided I can never go back unless it’s to get her out of that place.  It’s horrible.  My mother has chronic conditions and he keeps her in a house locked in with smoke.  I hate him for that.  I’m afraid that she feels trapped.  She’s never lived alone, she’s never depended only on herself financially and I don’t know if she can handle it.

This weekend Brent and I are going to try and figure things out with her.  First order of business is to find out whether she really wants to be there.  If not, then we will do everything we can to help her find an affordable place to live nearby so she doesn’t feel isolated.  We’ll probably also have to help her furnish it since I didn’t see a single item that belonged to her.  I wonder what happened to it all…  There obviously wasn’t room for her to move it in…

God… I really hope she WANTS to leave and is just waiting for someone to reach out because I don’t know how to deal with this otherwise.

On this day:

In 2008 –
In 2007 – I list all the paid jobs I’ve ever had
In 2006 – Point the 7th is my favorite
In 2005 – Those pants still fit

 

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18 Comments on “A Halloween Horror”

  1. lianna says:

    This is a really scary thing to read. I hope you do look into whether she’s “ok” with it all, and wants to be there, because it sounds unhealthy in more ways than one.
    Be careful and kind, and good luck.

  2. lianna says:

    This is a really scary thing to read. I hope you do look into whether she’s “ok” with it all, and wants to be there, because it sounds unhealthy in more ways than one.
    Be careful and kind, and good luck.

  3. metahara says:

    wow, that’s rough. she’s lucky to have you.

  4. metahara says:

    wow, that’s rough. she’s lucky to have you.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Ah, so that’s why I see your postings on Ottawa livejournal looking for a place for her. Must have been an emotionally shocking thing to go through what you did; that’s the sense I get from the way you write about it.

    • tianadargent says:

      yeah this is all assuming she wants/is willing to leave. I’ll find out tomorrow.
      I was always of the mind of “Don’t come crying to me when you need to be taken care of in old age” because of how neglected I felt/was under the age of 18 but I think I have to be the better person here.

    • tianadargent says:

      yeah this is all assuming she wants/is willing to leave. I’ll find out tomorrow.
      I was always of the mind of “Don’t come crying to me when you need to be taken care of in old age” because of how neglected I felt/was under the age of 18 but I think I have to be the better person here.

  6. Anonymous says:

    Ah, so that’s why I see your postings on Ottawa livejournal looking for a place for her. Must have been an emotionally shocking thing to go through what you did; that’s the sense I get from the way you write about it.

  7. redaryl says:

    Oh god. That’s so hard. I hope you can help her and that she wants and will let you.

  8. redaryl says:

    Oh god. That’s so hard. I hope you can help her and that she wants and will let you.

  9. the clutter thing reminds me of when i was living with my mom’s crazy landlady. she kept EVERYTHING and it was all junk and shit and there was cat shit everywhere all the time and catfood and she had 9 cats and they all had ringworm …
    luckily, i didnt have to deal with the smell.
    i wish you the best of luck with this situation. 🙂
    it’s weird, because im likely to take your side (from when you were like 18) and be all like “no but she’s mean and ungrateful etc” but on the other hand, this is just a really really unpleasant situation for BOTH of you so it makes sense that you’re trying to get her out. you know?

    • tianadargent says:

      Yeah I mean, my issues with her aside [which I’ve pretty much let go of], Bobby freaking loves her and I can NOT take him over there and when she comes here she smells like a stale pack of cigarettes.

    • tianadargent says:

      Yeah I mean, my issues with her aside [which I’ve pretty much let go of], Bobby freaking loves her and I can NOT take him over there and when she comes here she smells like a stale pack of cigarettes.

  10. the clutter thing reminds me of when i was living with my mom’s crazy landlady. she kept EVERYTHING and it was all junk and shit and there was cat shit everywhere all the time and catfood and she had 9 cats and they all had ringworm …
    luckily, i didnt have to deal with the smell.
    i wish you the best of luck with this situation. 🙂
    it’s weird, because im likely to take your side (from when you were like 18) and be all like “no but she’s mean and ungrateful etc” but on the other hand, this is just a really really unpleasant situation for BOTH of you so it makes sense that you’re trying to get her out. you know?


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