The story of why I moved from Toronto to Ottawa

 My parents had zero communication with each other and were both passive agressive, my dad almost cruelly so.  My mom would trash talk him to me (you know, at 7 years old) so I totally hated him for what amounted to basically no reason since he always treated me just fine.

 
I knew at that young age that not only did they not love each other, but they basically didn’t even like each other.  We moved to Ontario from Quebec when I was 4. At that time my dad told my mom not to come, that he would take me and my sister (not his daughter) would stay with my mom and she refused but they never actually worked anything out so it just festered.
 
When I was in grade 7 they sold our house, I don’t know why.  They decided to separate and I internally breathed a sigh of relief.  They didn’t ever talk to each other or even sleep on the same floor.  I’m pretty sure my dad was seeing someone else but he’s dead now so I’ll never know.  One day, before we moved, they gave me this talk and basically said "We’ve decided to stay together for your benefit" I was probably around 13 or 14 and they put all the responsibility of their relationship squarely on my shoulders and then TOLD ME it was on me.  So I told them they were being stupid and to just get a fucking divorce already.  So they did.  IMAGINE being in your 40’s and having your 14 year old be smarter about what’s best for everyone than you are.
 
I was supposed to live with my mom and see my dad *whenever* I don’t think there were any guidelines because I know I didn’t see him for at least 2 months.  We moved in with my sister and her friends until my mom found a place because she was so clueless and couldn’t fend for herself. She always has to have a man to take care of her. I remember she kept going to look at apartments and they would either turn out to be old age homes or 1 bedroom places and she would expect us to share a bedroom.  Can you imagine how full of hate I was?
 
We finally got a pretty nice condo.  My dad ended up building a sort of living area on the second floor of his business.  I didn’t really see him much until my mom decided we were moving to Ottawa. I told her I wouldn’t move until my school year was finished and she should make arrangements with my dad for me to stay with him.  One week before moving I was talking to my dad about it and he had NO IDEA what I was talking about.  I guess she just thought that if she didn’t tell him he couldn’t take me and I’d HAVE to go with her right away even though she didn’t have a place lined up (was moving in with her sister) and made no school arrangements for me.  Obviously my dad took me in and I stayed with him from December until halfway through summer break.  He never out and out told me he wanted me to stay with him but my mom put a lot of pressure on me to go with her so I did.  I think it broke his heart. He wanted me to choose for myself but being so young I felt like I had to do what I was told so I did what my mom said.

That is a brief overview which glosses over many interesting details that I just do not have the energy to write out.

On this day:

In 2008 – I got back from Rome
In 2007 – 
In 2006 – One f-locked and one not
In 2005 – ugh that’s SO annoying!

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18 Comments on “The story of why I moved from Toronto to Ottawa”

  1. Hey – I found you at random. I’m in search of interesting people that I could add to my list.
    Mind if I add you?

  2. Hey – I found you at random. I’m in search of interesting people that I could add to my list.
    Mind if I add you?

  3. lyndszy says:

    That is a ton of pressure for a young adult to have to shoulder! I guess it was a real life lesson on why to be self sufficient in a relationship later on..

  4. lyndszy says:

    That is a ton of pressure for a young adult to have to shoulder! I guess it was a real life lesson on why to be self sufficient in a relationship later on..

  5. metahara says:

    I would never have suspected such trauma from childhood. You obviously witnessed weakness and made the choice to be more capable than both your parents.
    I’m amazed at how informed and solid you are as a mom in general- knowing this increases the awe and makes sense of how we met- via feminist comm.
    When I was 4 yrs old I asked my parents to get a divorce. I think it was my first English word. They finally realized it wasn’t for the children-
    it was for the crazy.

  6. metahara says:

    I would never have suspected such trauma from childhood. You obviously witnessed weakness and made the choice to be more capable than both your parents.
    I’m amazed at how informed and solid you are as a mom in general- knowing this increases the awe and makes sense of how we met- via feminist comm.
    When I was 4 yrs old I asked my parents to get a divorce. I think it was my first English word. They finally realized it wasn’t for the children-
    it was for the crazy.

  7. Anonymous says:

    The story..
    That sucks that they had you go through that! How are things with them now?

  8. Anonymous says:

    The story..
    That sucks that they had you go through that! How are things with them now?

  9. *hugs*
    You are a very forgiving person.

  10. *hugs*
    You are a very forgiving person.

  11. Anonymous says:

    The whole story is sad from every perspective. I hope you’ve made some kind of peace with your mother? Obviously both mom and dad had some issues and dad’s off the hook now because he’s gone and seems to have just let things happen or not when he was around. It’s good when you can look at the past from a bit of distance, say your farewells and move on.

  12. Anonymous says:

    The whole story is sad from every perspective. I hope you’ve made some kind of peace with your mother? Obviously both mom and dad had some issues and dad’s off the hook now because he’s gone and seems to have just let things happen or not when he was around. It’s good when you can look at the past from a bit of distance, say your farewells and move on.


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