I feel so paranoid. I’m REALLY worried about post-partum depression because it’s likely that it would happen anyway but add to that the stuff that ACTUALLY still makes me feel so sad and I’m scared that I will feel as bad as when I first found out. Possibly worse. I don’t know if it’s possible to feel worse than that actually.

I’m worried that if I do fall into any form of depression, Brent will just throw his hands up in exasperation and leave.

I can not get over that feeling. I know I’ve written this before but I have never let myself be vulnerable to anybody before and then THIS happened so how can I possibly not be worried about becoming vulnerable again?  It feels really bad to feel like you always have to be tough, but I now know for sure that it doesn’t feel as bad as trusting someone and getting pummeled.

I guess that’s the part that makes me feel the most sorry for myself.  That I feel like I can never truly expose my heart.

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