I need help!
Posted: May 12, 2008 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: brent, consumerism, family, links, pregnancy, questions 39 CommentsFriday:
I used my banked hours to take the day off work on Friday. I talked to
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on the phone and that was super. I’m so excited for all her new happenings even though she’s freaking.
I did some cleaning around the house. It wasn’t as impressive as I had hoped because I got pretty tired and was going fairly slowly. I was planning on surprising Brent with an immaculate house and instead I presented him with a tidy yet unvaccuumed main floor and my own clean laundry still in the dryer (and it’s still there).
Brent did come home from his work trip a bit early under some unfortunate circumstances. He was driving on HWY 7 which is one lane each way with no divide and people drive way fast on it all the time. There was a car stopped to turn left in the oncoming lane and he saw a huge transport truck drive straight through it as though it wasn’t even there. Then the truck jack-knifed and Brent had to drive the car onto the should/grass to avoid getting hit. There are many other disturbing details that I’m not going to get into here but needless to say, he is having a hard time dealing with what he saw.
Have any of you ever dealt with a trauma of this sort? What did you do? How did you cope?
Saturday:
We had our last prenatal class. I really enjoyed them and think that anyone in town should get them through our instructor. They were fun, informative, realistic and she brought snacks. GREAT snacks! The info is: Mother Nurture Childbirth Services.
She’s helping us find a doula in training who would be there with us during the birth and postpartum in exchange for an evaluation and food/gas. I hope it works out as we can’t afford one otherwise and I think it would be great to have one there.
Sunday:
Took the train to Montreal with my mom to hang out with my sister. My sister made some kick-ass eggs Benedict and some home fries which were good but too cold, but I was ravenous so I didn’t care. We did some shower planning and some shopping and took photos. I forgot my camera so I can’t post any ’till somebody sends me some. I bought these flip flops. They don’t look impressive on the site but they are AWESOME!
During our shower planning, we came up with a few activities to make things more fun than simply watching me open gifts and eating. Some are ‘get to know each other’ things and some are ‘let’s get creative things’ and another is a draw for a prize. We need one more but I can’t think of anything!
Any ideas for a not-cheesy (no guessing the food in the diaper, no “whoever doesn’t say baby the longest” games etc) activity that would be fun for everyone (not everyone is into kids for example)?
On this day:
In 2006 – I needed special time
In 2005 – I had a big regret
Don't Rest Easy 
sitting in the middle of richmond road, in front of McDonalds in Bell’s Corners, 11:00 PM, holding the head of a fallen motorcyclist, as it swelled inside his helmet, trying to give him words of encouragement and his girlfriend goes wwwway off the deep end at the side of the road… waiting for the ambulance… police… anybody…
It’s like it was yesterday… 15 years ago.
So it obviously still haunts you…
How did it affect you afterwards?
suz and I were driving past as it happened… she was with the GF… I was with the dude. We stayed till emerg services got there and then gave our info and backed away. Never heard anything… and didn’t ask.
How did it affect me? Two friends paralyzed in high school on motorbikes… It solidified my resolve to stay the hell off a motorbike. It shook me up but the “haunting” is tempered by time and real-life… Bad things happen every day… and often, to good people. 😦 It’s why I’d make a lousy doctor. It just busts me up inside. But after a few weeks… it was slotted away with the rest of real-life and an experience. I didn’t know the guy… I felt for him… for his GF… but … It definitely faded a lot after a few weeks.
suz and I were driving past as it happened… she was with the GF… I was with the dude. We stayed till emerg services got there and then gave our info and backed away. Never heard anything… and didn’t ask.
How did it affect me? Two friends paralyzed in high school on motorbikes… It solidified my resolve to stay the hell off a motorbike. It shook me up but the “haunting” is tempered by time and real-life… Bad things happen every day… and often, to good people. 😦 It’s why I’d make a lousy doctor. It just busts me up inside. But after a few weeks… it was slotted away with the rest of real-life and an experience. I didn’t know the guy… I felt for him… for his GF… but … It definitely faded a lot after a few weeks.
So it obviously still haunts you…
How did it affect you afterwards?
sitting in the middle of richmond road, in front of McDonalds in Bell’s Corners, 11:00 PM, holding the head of a fallen motorcyclist, as it swelled inside his helmet, trying to give him words of encouragement and his girlfriend goes wwwway off the deep end at the side of the road… waiting for the ambulance… police… anybody…
It’s like it was yesterday… 15 years ago.
Poor Brent:( Is he scared to drive? Give him extra hugs and try to encourage activities that will help get his mind off of it. Has he looked up the newspaper articles/details about it?
That breakfast sounds delicious. Your shower is going to be so fun! Lucky duck:)
I expected activity suggestions from you missy!
Brent still drives but is super cautious about it. I think it’s more that it’s haunting him at night and such when there are no distractions.
I guess time will heal it. Or dull the pain of thinking it.
Um, I believe when we co-hosted a shower we exhausted my shower game of sit and stare. Feel free to borrow:)
Maybe pop a birth video in while everyone is eating? Drinking contest?
OR make a papier mache cast of your belly and paint it all together!!!!
Yes a drinking contest! I’ll obviously be the judge!
It could be, whoever can draw a baby the best after 5 shots wins.
Yes a drinking contest! I’ll obviously be the judge!
It could be, whoever can draw a baby the best after 5 shots wins.
I guess time will heal it. Or dull the pain of thinking it.
Um, I believe when we co-hosted a shower we exhausted my shower game of sit and stare. Feel free to borrow:)
Maybe pop a birth video in while everyone is eating? Drinking contest?
OR make a papier mache cast of your belly and paint it all together!!!!
I expected activity suggestions from you missy!
Brent still drives but is super cautious about it. I think it’s more that it’s haunting him at night and such when there are no distractions.
Poor Brent:( Is he scared to drive? Give him extra hugs and try to encourage activities that will help get his mind off of it. Has he looked up the newspaper articles/details about it?
That breakfast sounds delicious. Your shower is going to be so fun! Lucky duck:)
That is crazy about the accident. The ones that I have witnessed, all the people survived so it wasn’t too traumatizing for me. I guess as long as he gets behind the wheel and keeps driving right away that should help.
As for the Doula, that is great news. Our Doula was amazing and made a HUGE difference so if you can get on in training that will be a big help. Once you have a Doula, you will never go without one. 😉
That is crazy about the accident. The ones that I have witnessed, all the people survived so it wasn’t too traumatizing for me. I guess as long as he gets behind the wheel and keeps driving right away that should help.
As for the Doula, that is great news. Our Doula was amazing and made a HUGE difference so if you can get on in training that will be a big help. Once you have a Doula, you will never go without one. 😉
Eating and opening gifts sounds like great full, but if you need a game how about getting everyone to bring a baby picture of themselves. Give the pictures numbers and then everyone has to make a list of who they think all the babies are. Whoever gets the most right wins! (XUP)
I LOVE this idea.
It’s hard enough getting people to actually RSVP. I think we should have put this on the invite and that it’s a bit too late for it now. Some people won’t do it.
It’s hard enough getting people to actually RSVP. I think we should have put this on the invite and that it’s a bit too late for it now. Some people won’t do it.
I LOVE this idea.
Eating and opening gifts sounds like great full, but if you need a game how about getting everyone to bring a baby picture of themselves. Give the pictures numbers and then everyone has to make a list of who they think all the babies are. Whoever gets the most right wins! (XUP)
Kraft dinner? What is that, macaroni and cheese?
Oh yeah in Canada, Kraft’s Mac and Cheese is called Kraft Dinner.
Oh yeah in Canada, Kraft’s Mac and Cheese is called Kraft Dinner.
Kraft dinner? What is that, macaroni and cheese?
I went to a baby shower where one of the games was guessing how big the pregnant girls’ stomach was in inches. They also had the “guess the chocolate bar in the diaper” though, so not sure if this is too cheesy for you.
I went to a baby shower where one of the games was guessing how big the pregnant girls’ stomach was in inches. They also had the “guess the chocolate bar in the diaper” though, so not sure if this is too cheesy for you.
As for the car trauma, the only suggestion I have is to not think about it. Otherwise, you go through your whole life twitching, looking over your shoulder, and paranoid. Much easier said than done, I know. Sometimes, every day for me is a struggle in the attempt.
But isn’t not thinking about it the same as bottling it up and eventually after a little jostle it will explode?
Not necessarily. There’s a difference between thinking negatively, thinking positively, and thinking realistically.
The problem with the first one is that you get depressed and it’s a vicious cycle where nothing can make you feel better once you’re in it because everything has a bad spin.
The problem with the second one (like “The Secret”) is that you ignore potential warning signs if you’re ever really in danger or trouble, and this may lead to much worse things.
The third one is the happy medium, where you realize that things like terrible car crashes do happen, but not all the time, and that there’s still a lot of good in the world, even though we experience much of the bad. If you’re able to honestly feel this, then it’s easier to let things go, instead of dwelling on them, or bottling them up.
How does thinking about it help, anyway? If something like this is going to happen to us, it’s going to happen. Nothing will stop that.
Again, easier said than done. We’re all humans.
I don’t think it’s really about worrying it will happen to him and more being unable to stop recalling the horror of what he saw.
I’m assuming this.
I don’t think it’s really about worrying it will happen to him and more being unable to stop recalling the horror of what he saw.
I’m assuming this.
Not necessarily. There’s a difference between thinking negatively, thinking positively, and thinking realistically.
The problem with the first one is that you get depressed and it’s a vicious cycle where nothing can make you feel better once you’re in it because everything has a bad spin.
The problem with the second one (like “The Secret”) is that you ignore potential warning signs if you’re ever really in danger or trouble, and this may lead to much worse things.
The third one is the happy medium, where you realize that things like terrible car crashes do happen, but not all the time, and that there’s still a lot of good in the world, even though we experience much of the bad. If you’re able to honestly feel this, then it’s easier to let things go, instead of dwelling on them, or bottling them up.
How does thinking about it help, anyway? If something like this is going to happen to us, it’s going to happen. Nothing will stop that.
Again, easier said than done. We’re all humans.
But isn’t not thinking about it the same as bottling it up and eventually after a little jostle it will explode?
As for the car trauma, the only suggestion I have is to not think about it. Otherwise, you go through your whole life twitching, looking over your shoulder, and paranoid. Much easier said than done, I know. Sometimes, every day for me is a struggle in the attempt.
I’ve dealt with traumas of that sort on several levels – as a witness, as a supporter of someone who was having a hard time dealing with a trauma and also as a person directly involved in one herself.
It’s clear that these experiences will stay with me for the rest of my life and I’ve gone through the full gamut of emotions – anger, fear, sadness…as well as dissociation from others. For me, anger and sadness tended to fade…or smooth over somewhat…with time, whereas fear was something that I needed to deal with more actively. It’s taken time and effort to bring me to the point where I can acknowledge the fear sort of cerebrally and not let it overpower my emotions and actions. It’s still there and can sometimes still get the better of me, but I actually feel empowered by being able to control it somewhat. I think a lot of it is about acknowledging and understanding what it is that’s freaking you out exactly…it kind of takes the oomph out of it actually freaking you out.
I found that ignoring it made things worse, but I think that this depends on your personality type. Talking to people about it helped, but I also found that no one was really able to relate, which was frustrating.
Anyway, I’m not sure if that’s helpful, but for what it’s worth, that’s my 2cents. Ooh…I hope he didn’t watch the episode of House that was on last night – frightening and nightmare-inducing! 😦
On to happier subjects: the one fun-ish shower game I’ve played is one that a pp mentioned above, where a roll of ribbon is passed around and everyone has to guess what the circumference of the pregnant lady’s belly is and then cut a piece of ribbon to that length. Everyone takes a turn measuring their ribbon around her belly and whoever is closest ‘wins’. Fun/funny if said pregnant lady doesn’t mind being subjected to it.
Oh, and there’s the memory game, where you show a tray of baby-related items out for a minute for everyone to look at, then you take it away and people try to write down as many as they can remember. Meh – Showers are all about the cheesy games – hard to escape it.
I’ve dealt with traumas of that sort on several levels – as a witness, as a supporter of someone who was having a hard time dealing with a trauma and also as a person directly involved in one herself.
It’s clear that these experiences will stay with me for the rest of my life and I’ve gone through the full gamut of emotions – anger, fear, sadness…as well as dissociation from others. For me, anger and sadness tended to fade…or smooth over somewhat…with time, whereas fear was something that I needed to deal with more actively. It’s taken time and effort to bring me to the point where I can acknowledge the fear sort of cerebrally and not let it overpower my emotions and actions. It’s still there and can sometimes still get the better of me, but I actually feel empowered by being able to control it somewhat. I think a lot of it is about acknowledging and understanding what it is that’s freaking you out exactly…it kind of takes the oomph out of it actually freaking you out.
I found that ignoring it made things worse, but I think that this depends on your personality type. Talking to people about it helped, but I also found that no one was really able to relate, which was frustrating.
Anyway, I’m not sure if that’s helpful, but for what it’s worth, that’s my 2cents. Ooh…I hope he didn’t watch the episode of House that was on last night – frightening and nightmare-inducing! 😦
On to happier subjects: the one fun-ish shower game I’ve played is one that a pp mentioned above, where a roll of ribbon is passed around and everyone has to guess what the circumference of the pregnant lady’s belly is and then cut a piece of ribbon to that length. Everyone takes a turn measuring their ribbon around her belly and whoever is closest ‘wins’. Fun/funny if said pregnant lady doesn’t mind being subjected to it.
Oh, and there’s the memory game, where you show a tray of baby-related items out for a minute for everyone to look at, then you take it away and people try to write down as many as they can remember. Meh – Showers are all about the cheesy games – hard to escape it.
At the most recent shower I went to, we played two mostly fun games.
For the first one, hand everyone a piece of paper and then have them hold it behind their backs. Give them a minute or a minute and a half to try and tear the sheet of paper into the shape of a baby with it still behind their back. It’s pretty funny to see the results.
The second game was more fun, I thought. Prior to the shower, you need to get a picture of your face and a picture of Daddy-to-be’s face. Enlarge them (about 5×7 inches of each face) and then make a copy of each one for each guest you have (or plan to divide the guests into teams of however many, if you have a lot of people, and have a copy for each team). Cut out the faces, and then cut them into pieces so that you have hair, forehead, eyes, nose, mouth, ears etc. all seperated. Then have each person or team tape them together using the features that they think the baby will have. Whoever has the funniest/most creative/whatever you think is best, wins. This was really hard to describe but I hope it’s understandable. The results are kind of hilarious if the guests are creative; at the shower I went to, we used the dad’s beard as hair for the baby.