Last night I was thinking about how Brent never asks me how I’m doing with regards to all this. Maybe he thinks I don’t think about it at all. It makes me feel like he doesn’t care as long as I don’t say anything about it.
I really wonder if I’ll ever feel the way I used to before all this. I used to just be a plain old happy and optimistic person. I didn’t worry about much of anything at all and I felt like our relationship was perfect with no effort because we were so transparent with each other and got along so well.
I guess someone on the outside would say that it wasn’t perfect our else he wouldn’t have cheated on me. But it was perfect from my end of things. I absolutely felt that way and it was wonderful. I didn’t do anything to make that happen. It’s not my fault and I didn’t deserve it. It seems though that I’m the only one who suffers because of it.
Now I feel like I hold back a lot. I feel like Brent has become needier and I try to keep things good by being there for him as much as possible and putting myself on the back burner. I just don’t feel free to totally be myself anymore, I feel like it’s my job to fix it and that doesn’t really seem fair.