The ongoing dilemma

I keep going back and forth between wanting to let Brent know what I’m thinking in regards to this whole thing and feeling like I need to shield it from him.

I feel like if he doesn’t know what I’m thinking, he’ll assume I’m totally over it and then if it ever does come up, think it’s coming out of nowhere or that I’m harboring it to use as a red card.

I feel like I need to keep it from him because he’s in a very ‘fragile’ 9for lack of a better term) state right now with regards to stress and depression and I don’t want to do anything to make it harder on him, and by extension, us.

We MSN’d a little about it the other day and he says that whatever I choose is fine but it’s still a hard decision.  Letting him read these would have to be timed just right, at a time when he’s feeling good and secure enough not to get down because of how I feel, or things I may have written out of pure emotion.

I mean when I write in here, I don’t expect that he will ever read it, I don’t frame it in the same way that I would if I were writing or speaking to him.  I don’t need to explain anything really because I know what I mean and reading back entries, I remember exactly how I felt when I wrote them.  I’m just not sure that he will be able to filter that properly.


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