My heart is still broken. What happened last night just proves it.

I can’t even entertain the thought of us hypothetically breaking up for the purposes of an unrelated discussion without busting out in tears.  I tried to play it off as hormonal pregnancy crying but I’m not sure if it worked.  It deeply upset me and I’m still upset this morning.

I was on the bus this morning thinking about how it was for me in January.  I would be hidden in my coat hat and scarf, practically a zombie trying to hold back tears the entire ride.  Once I finally got off and the cold air hit my face, the pressing urge to let the tears flow would go away until I got to my office.  If I was the only one here, I would cry at my desk for the hour alone.  If not I’d go cry in the washroom until I could keep it together.

At least it’s not that bad anymore.  I try to keep it to myself and if I need to let things out, I try to save it ’till I’m in the shower all alone.

I try not to talk to Brent about it at all.  I wonder how much he senses.

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