This will inspire another painting.

I feel so isolated in dealing with this.  I don’t want Brent to feel like I’m trying to guilt him or get anything out of him so I keep how I feel about this to myself.  Sometimes I say to myself that it doesn’t matter how he feels about how I’m dealing with it but I care too much about him to make it any harder on him.

Maybe he’s doing the same thing and maybe if we came to each other more about it it would be easier for us.  But maybe not.  Maybe it doesn’t really affect him anymore. I just don’t know.

I tend to only cry to him when things happen like he forgets to call me when his plans change.  That really freaks me out and I feel like since it’s directly related to a current event, he won’t think I’m throwing it back in his face.  The rest of the time I keep it to myself.

I take showers during his band practice because that’s the only time I know no one will hear me.  I just sit in the tub and bawl while the water rushes over me.  Eventually, I actually pull myself together enough to clean myself up.

I don’t know what I would do without that release.

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