These quotes are all taken from here [http://susiebright.blogs.com/susie_brights_journal_/2007/09/the-sexual-self.html] and even though it’s not the *exact* same situation, they rang so true to me.  They express how I feel and felt better than I have been able to.

…She’s in shock. She can’t believe the guilty plea either, because once she accepts her husband’s true behavior,  the “everything-is-a-lie” nausea will overtake her. There’ll be months— or years— where she  doesn’t feel like she can trust her guts, make simple decisions, or keep up with cursory obligations. Getting out of bed and giving a shit will become major struggles…

…Most cuckqueans feel authentic love from their husbands. They aren’t just doing his wash and spitting out brats—  they feel adored and confided to, relied upon, and engaged in their marital partnership…

…The devastation of deception is universal. On that count, it’s like any vanilla adultery. The lie is the worst part, because when you deceive your partner, you take away their informed right to react— to be angry, to be thoughtful, to leave, to negotiate, to— WHATEVER. You  infantilize them by keeping a secret that you’ve decided they’re “better off” not knowing…

 

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