It’s hard to trust when you’ve been burned.

Sometimes I get huge pangs where I think he’s still talking to her behind my back.  I wouldn’t even know.  I can’t look at his email or his MSN conversations or listen to all his phone calls.  Sometimes it consumes me and I get really worried about it but I just try to choke it down.

There’s nothing I can do about it.  At most, I can ask to see his email but would I?   I’m not so sure that I would.  I just have to try and trust his word on this.  It’s a hard thing to do.

I’m really worried for when I’m visiting Angela.  An entire week of not having any idea what he’s up to really scares me.  About a week ago he said I shouldn’t call him while I was gone and that sent up a red flag in my mind.

Other than that, it’s getting easier.  We haven’t had sex in a while and that’s a hard thing for me so maybe that’s why it’s been easier to deal with lately.  I cry now and then but he’s being much more attentive to me when I do and that helps SO much it’s not even funny.  He lets me have my feelings and has stopped saying things like “get over it” which is good because hearing that does nothing but make me feel worse.

I find it strange that he seems so over it though, like it’s not a big deal.  Then again, he’s been dealing with it longer than I have I suppose.


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