I’ll tell you mine…what’s yours?Posted: October 2, 2005
My biggest fear is that I will get cancer. Specifically breast cancer. I’m pretty confident that I will get some form of cancer given family history on both sides, my personal habits and my skin tone.
What scares my about breast cancer is, obviously loosing one or both breasts. Having a part of me gone like that, an obvious part of me, is scary enough but I’m more afraid of the pain and recovery from surgery. ‘m fairly certain that were I to have a mastectomy I would not opt for reconstructive surgery. Why put your body through even more trauma? I think I would be equally as ‘devastated’ having no breasts as I would be having fake breasts.
I’m not afraid of the possibility of dying. I’m afraid of the pain of living. I’m afraid of the torture of radiation and chemotherapy. I’m afraid of the pain of those around me. I’m afraid of the aching. I’m afraid of the loss of concentration. I’m afraid of the dependency on pain killers. I’m afraid that my will to live will hurt me more than just letting go.
But even though I’m not afraid of death, and that choosing to live will be the most difficult thing I will likely endure, I know I will go through it. I know I won’t just quit. But it still fucking scares me.