The truth.

The truth is that I’m dangerous.

The truth is that I want to cry a whole lot.

The truth is that I want to smash things.

The truth is that sometimes, things need to be set on fire.

The truth is that I no longer recognize this reflection.

The truth is that destruction is necessary before rebuilding.

The truth is that I can’t tell where the edges of that reality are.

The truth is that I am whole.

The truth is that my truth deserves expression.

 

On this day:

In 2014 – Shawn gave away our pencil sharpener.
In 2012 – welp…
In 2008 – depression and betrayal
In 2005 – “Sometimes I re-live conversations in my mind and I catch myself making facial expressions to go with them.”


Agency during conflict resolution.

I was just riding to work and on campus we have basically a big one way street with a counterflow bike lane.

I was just getting on campus and about to join said lane when a taxi pulled out in front of me from a loading dock, went the wrong way down the one way street and was driving over the bike lane. I had to quickly veer onto the sidewalk.

Because I am a human on a bicycle, I shouted HEY really loudly. I do not have a horn like a car does. I kept my pace, which happened to be slight faster than the taxi, who had to watch for all the oncoming traffic, and I pulled out in front of it at the intersection where he obeyed the stop sign for bicycles (you know, the mini kind?).

I was about to let go of my “almost got into an accident” adrenaline and tell him all the dangerous things he was doing when some model cyclist (with the lycra suit and a camera helmet etc) rolled up and politely said to him

“Excuse me sir but you are driving on a cycle path. Please try to avoid it in the future. In fact, you almost hit this person. It’s quite dangerous.”

UGH HE STOLE MY MOMENT!
and he forgot the one way street problem!!!

At this point, the cab driver starts to let his car roll forward to leave. You know, while I am stopped right in front of it.

So I got to shout DO NOT EVEN MOVE RIGHT NOW because I am not fucking interested in that intimidation attempt.

I hopped up on my bike, went in a little circle in front of him, and went on my way.

But really, I feel like an important opportunity to assert myself has been taken from me. I clearly was making noise about this and was handling it. I think the polite bystander should step in when injustices happen and the victim can not handle the altercation.

On this day:

in 2014 – yes this forever
in 2009 – and this is very true as well. Seaming in the crotch is also a big issue.
in 2008 – not a gymnast, DOES do a fainting pose frequently
in 2006 – a bunch of photos from around the Glebe
in 2005 – where did I go?


Protected: Hot Summer Nights

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Movie Review: Mad Max – Fury Road

This is the most feminist action movie I have ever seen.

It’s also just ok.

I got much more enjoyment from reading the reviews and the MRA freak-outs than from seeing the actual movie.

I don’t like 3d movies.

The review I’m writing right now probably has more words than the entirety of the movie itself.

I liked that there were women with their own motivations doing things, and that it didn’t really need to be explained, because they are living people making choices and we don’t need to scrutinize and justify them. That was nice.

On this day:

In 2011 – oh goodness. Chubby baby Molly.
In 2008 – puffy
In 2007 – banana clip
In 2006 – some things


Why do I announce all my actions?

  • Because I used to do it with my babies, to help them develop language, and it became a habit.
  • Because I want everyone else to do it too so I can always know how to best plan around them.
  • Because it allows those around me to plan their lives with a bit more information available to them.
  • Because it helps me order my thoughts.
  • Because I hope those I tell keep me accountable to my plans/intentions.

“I’m just gonna make dinner and then I’ll have a shower and then I’m going to clean out the closet.”

I’m sick of it though. I feel like it puts people in awkward positions at times. It centralizes my experience over those around me. Do I just stop? Do I need to transform this behaviour into some other, more positive behaviour or set of behaviors? Do you have the answers to these questions?

On this day:

in 2008 – All true, especially if I’m pregnant (which I was when I wrote this)
in 2006 – budding feminism – outdated analysis
in 2005 – Men-only golfing


Cinnamon Ember

I was reminded of that summer love.

I’m so not over it. And it’s good. I did some hurting and it’s better that I stay away.

I’ve grown from it, and that new knowledge reminds me to step outside of myself more often.

So much of it was lovely. The growth allows me to step back and treasure that.

On this day:

In 2013 – strange rambling


Spring Sprang Sprung

Oh hey, the weather changed! You know what that means? My brain is all “time for new and exciting things!” I don’t even know which things! Transitions transitions.

I guess the real actual bookstore is opening soon. Probably within a month of today. So that’s a big deal.

Also it’s bright out later and I can bike around.

Also I’m gardening little baby seedlings for outdoors and purging my home of lots of stuff and trying to make some cash cash cash and cooking more meals for myself and my family/housemates.

Gen – you are family now I guess so now I don’t need to “/housemate” everything.

I am SO INTO doing things alone for like, at least an hour a day, but more is better.

I want to find a bunch of beautiful rocks/stones. WHAT IS  THE DIFFERENCE?

I want to get the kids going on actual bike expeditions instead of in circles on our street and I feel like this is the year. Bobby’s confidence has sky-rocketed for using his bike, and Molly is excited for using the trailer instead of horrified like last year. (Bobby is now too big for it and I think his fear was setting her off).

While Gen was away:

-I set up a coats/shoes/pocket-stuff/face-checking, plant-holding station at the front door. I love it. The kids stuff goes in a book-case with only one shelf at the bottom and hooks installed in the top part. They can get it easily. Things are tidier!

-I finished my oar! and I hung it up in the hallway between our bedrooms and it’s beautiful (and not really functional because it’s my first ever oar and I fucked up some things) and she wants to hang some Haida art she has on the wall opposite and it will be beautiful.

-I purged and reorganized the kids play space. I have had a big black garbage bag full of toys, unopened play dough packages, games, puzzles etc sitting on my front porch for days. People just don’t want a random bag of free toys(!!!) so I’ll do the less-lazy work this evening and post the items for sale (see the cash cash cash note above)

Ok so this is my brain ramblings. Finito!

On this day:

In 2014 – swimming! (not really)
In 2013 – yes this process has been so useful for me! I’m way less often overwhelmed by life.
In 2010 – I wrote a post for a different blog
In 2008 – I worked from home.
In 2007 – UGH I MISS DRUMMING
In 2006 – ” I got sick half way through the first kitten’s head but I did eat all of their eyeballs.”
In 2005 – My boobs back then were different than they are now.


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