Spring Sprang Sprung

Oh hey, the weather changed! You know what that means? My brain is all “time for new and exciting things!” I don’t even know which things! Transitions transitions.

I guess the real actual bookstore is opening soon. Probably within a month of today. So that’s a big deal.

Also it’s bright out later and I can bike around.

Also I’m gardening little baby seedlings for outdoors and purging my home of lots of stuff and trying to make some cash cash cash and cooking more meals for myself and my family/housemates.

Gen – you are family now I guess so now I don’t need to “/housemate” everything.

I am SO INTO doing things alone for like, at least an hour a day, but more is better.

I want to find a bunch of beautiful rocks/stones. WHAT IS  THE DIFFERENCE?

I want to get the kids going on actual bike expeditions instead of in circles on our street and I feel like this is the year. Bobby’s confidence has sky-rocketed for using his bike, and Molly is excited for using the trailer instead of horrified like last year. (Bobby is now too big for it and I think his fear was setting her off).

While Gen was away:

-I set up a coats/shoes/pocket-stuff/face-checking, plant-holding station at the front door. I love it. The kids stuff goes in a book-case with only one shelf at the bottom and hooks installed in the top part. They can get it easily. Things are tidier!

-I finished my oar! and I hung it up in the hallway between our bedrooms and it’s beautiful (and not really functional because it’s my first ever oar and I fucked up some things) and she wants to hang some Haida art she has on the wall opposite and it will be beautiful.

-I purged and reorganized the kids play space. I have had a big black garbage bag full of toys, unopened play dough packages, games, puzzles etc sitting on my front porch for days. People just don’t want a random bag of free toys(!!!) so I’ll do the less-lazy work this evening and post the items for sale (see the cash cash cash note above)

Ok so this is my brain ramblings. Finito!

On this day:

In 2014 – swimming! (not really)
In 2013 – yes this process has been so useful for me! I’m way less often overwhelmed by life.
In 2010 – I wrote a post for a different blog
In 2008 – I worked from home.
In 2007 – UGH I MISS DRUMMING
In 2006 – ” I got sick half way through the first kitten’s head but I did eat all of their eyeballs.”
In 2005 – My boobs back then were different than they are now.


not the same

I’m really enjoying writing in my paper journal lately. It’s so soothing and the introspection feels more intense than when I write here.

And also I’m less interested in what people think of my introspection lately.

So that’s what’s up with my blogging slump. As the weather continues to warm up, I’m sure to start posting about adventures and such.

I like how things don’t always have to be the same.

 

On this day:

In 2011 – invention
In 2007 – oh see!!! my love of notebooks!
In 2006 – planning
In 2005 – I got a gmail account


Shave (but no hair cut)

Well last night I went to a punk show in a barbershop and I suddenly had the urge to get a face-shave. One of the barbers was game to do it after the show and IT WAS JUST THE BEST.

Woman in a barber's chair, having a straight-razor shave.

It was Dead. Fucking. Sexy. I smelled so good after I was wishing I had a clone so I could make out with myself.

Here’s a little insta video my roomie made.

What fun it was to gender play and have a little dudely luxury!

On this day:

In 2009 – a frustrated moment
In 2005 – alone time


Coerced Apologies

He would get very upset when I would say true things he didn’t want to hear, or didn’t like. He would demand apologies for them. Even though I told him that I wouldn’t mean it if I said it.

He wanted me to apologize for being true to myself, for sticking up for myself, for having any kind of self-worth. His feelings were more important than the reality of our lives.

Saying I was sorry made my life livable at the time. I’m not sorry. Even though I said I was.

On this day:

In 2010 – how to avoid rape
In 2008 – I really miss having a garden
In 2007 – I used to take drumming lessons!
In 2006 – That time I realized that people actually try to make abortions illegal.
In 2005 – A comedy of errors?

 


Sacred Items

Earlier today, I made this post on Facebook:

I was going to make a real blog post about this but.. *meh* I don’t feel like blogging every passing thing. Isn’t that what facebook is for?

I am feeling so incredibly depleted today. It’s part of many things.

1- I’ve been bringing big, nutritious lunches with me all week and today I didn’t and I didn’t eat my bought food in a timely way.

2- I have low level pervasive stress about the state of my home (messy).

3- I have low level pervasive stress about opening a business and not being able to move forward in a way that works for me, for reasons that are beyond my control.

4- Interrupted solo time.This is one point, but is so so so huge for me. I need solo time so badly.

5- Plans that get half made and end up not really happening.

So I’m giving myself some achievable goals for the rest of today (post-work) and I’m not even going to list them because that’s too much pressure.

and it brought me to wonder about the things which bring me joy.

There are lots and Lots and LOTS of intangible things that bring me joy. There are also physical things that bring me joy, just by having them around my home. They are the kinds of things I feel like I could never have enough of. But I never really thought about them as a class of item, and so I will now. I will start a list.

  • houseplants
  • rocks, crystals, gems
  • beach glass
  • ceramics
  • blankets made of natural fibers
  • beeswax candles

 

 

On this day:

In 2010 – “what the shart?”
In 2007 – I should have called
In 2006 – Percy cuteness!!
In 2005 –


Red Flags

So I have a first date coming up, and yesterday my friends were hanging with me and were all “Lemme see the OKC” and then we looked up the “unacceptable answers” section and. Well… This should be interesting.

Things they won’t like about me:

-I don’t shave my legs unless I feel like it (maybe twice a year)
-I’m not into racist jokes
-I’m not into eugenics
-I have opinions that are important to me
-I’d burn flags before I’d burn books (which is actually not true because I don’t really have flags at my disposal but wow. So. Many. Books.)
-I’m not into guns except for their use in hunting for food purposes.

On this day:

In 2012 – I like weird things
In 2008 – Pregnant with Bobby, eating nothing but garlic bread, pie, and slushies.
In 2006 – That soup is so good. I need to make it again.


Marginalize Abusers

On Friday, I went to a fun dance party that I had never been to before. About halfway into the night, I noticed that this person I have no good feelings for was present and I was pretty upset. Mostly because it was the first time we’d run into each other since then and I just didn’t have some kind of pre-planned emotional reaction.  In that moment, the few people I knew were elsewhere and I was just dancing on my own and basically my whole body turned to *GROAN*.

And I had had some drinks and I was just… unhappy. And I found my date and gave him a brief go-over. He was sweet and asked if I wanted to leave but I said I was fine and I had another drink and just kept a buffer.

But, as the night wore on and I found myself being preoccupied with NOT having fun I started to think more about it like this: Fuck that dude. If either of us is going to feel uncomfortable in a place we are both occupying, it sure as fuck is not going to be ME.

Seriously.

And I totally appreciate the support of maybe I’d want to leave, but that’s just not how I roll. I want to live in a culture where people who violate consent are the ones who feel awful and awkward and marginalized.

On this day:

In 2008 – I was in Italy
In 2007 – I lost my title of Foosball champion
In 2006 – My dead-dad’s website


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