Riding through the fear.

I have fears. They can generally be divided in two categories.

1- surprising scary things
Things that fall in this category would be people hiding in the dark and jumping out at me. If you want to stay in my life in any meaningful way, don’t do this on the regular.

2- things that involve my body being in a state of instability

This includes being on unstable tall ladders, someone holding me up high. I guess it’s anything where I don’t have control over my body in a possible state of peril.

Yesterday evening I tried something new that is a part of this category.

I went to the Monday life drawing workshop, as I typically do. Afterward, I was heading out with Shawn. I had bussed/walked and he had taken his bicycle. It was cold out and I was starting to feel sick. All I wanted was to be warm with a mug of lemon honey tea. He asked me if I wanted to be scared.

It was at this point that I was able to distinguish the types of fears that I have (see above) and agreed to hear about anything that is part of 2-. He suggested we both ride his bike at the same time.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

I agreed.

I climbed onto the too-tall seat and after some moments of fidgeting about, I found a spot to put my feet and I first was holding onto Shawn’s shoulders but then decided to go with his torso. As we first started moving I hid my face in his back. I soon realized this made it way way worse so I peeked over his shoulder. Knowing I had never done this and was afraid of a horrible disfiguring accident or possibly death, we went fairly slowly and pretty much straight. I was fine as long as there was no wiggling or leaning.

It felt familiar to me after a few minutes and I was reminded that as a child I used to ride on the back of dirt bikes with my cousins. They were not as gentle, although I’m sure they held back on the speed and scary stuff due to my presence.

We got off when there was a busy intersection followed by a pass-through in a fence and a gravel lot and then got back on to speed up our travels a little again.

It felt good to feel the fear and to breathe through it.

On this day

In 2007 – the beginning of my love affair with recorded tv shows
In 2006 – can’t touch this
In 2005 – a green death. I think being left to rot is just fine with me

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