Realising things about myself.
I don’t think it would come as a surprise to anyone whose been paying attention that I’ve been going through some stuff lately. I’ve spent a lot of my life just going the way the wind blows and I have decided to really take a look at who I am, where I’m going and what I want.
Here are a few things I’ve been thinking about lately:
My job currently allows me the time and the money to pursue whatever I want outside of work hours. And that’s GREAT. I think, though, that I would really enjoy it if what brings me money ALSO brings me joy. And so, I want my work to be an extension of my life – whatever that is, I’m not yet sure. That said, I AM happy with what I have so this isn’t some willy nilly flight of fancy. It’s serious business.
I want to do more important things. Things that matter to people other than just me and my family. Part of this is the community association thing, I’ve been slacking on it because I’m not feeling it as far as local helpers go. But I’ve resolved not to care. I’m going to put more time into it and see what fruit that bears.
I want to make things. I want to create objects with my hands and tools and they can be useful or not. I used to make often. Now not so much (babies and meals don’t count).
I want my home to be humble. Right now, I feel like our place is a little overboard. It’s too big, there’s too much upkeep. We are tending to things we don’t even care about because it’s there and we have to. There are rooms that aren’t used at all. Obviously we are basically house sitting but I find this to be a good lesson in ‘bigger is not better’. I want a place that fits our family with just a touch of extra breathing room. I want a place where I can walk to a grocery store, a coffee shop and a hardware store. I want a place where I’m close enough to bike to work so I can sell my car. I want a place that is nice and clean and represents my aesthetic but isn’t so sterile that it’s totally obvious that I haven’t had the time or motivation to vacuum for a week.