Enable Me

When it comes to feats of passion, I don’t have longevity. I get ideas that I’m SUPER ALL ABOUT AND INTO for a short time and unless the people around me are equally stoked about it, I lose my drive.  And it’s not even that I want to people around me to even DO anything. I just want them to be into it and interested. I mean, not that doing stuff to help out would be bad or unwelcome, but that’s not necessarily what I’m looking for.

Remember about a year ago when I was all about having a food truck? I still like that idea but I know I couldn’t go it alone. I just don’t have the capability to manage a business (something I know nothing about) and manage keeping a truck running AND a fantastic menu. TOO MUCH FOR ONE PERSON. I still think about it and ways to make it work in a pared-down version.

I’m inclined to turn this into complaining about lack of support so let’s move on shall we?

Not to green pastures mind you. I’m going to be vague because 1- this is still in progress so I don’t want to be too specific and 2- it’s still fresh so I’m very emotional about it.

I’m going through a hard time on a few different fronts. Something I really really wanted badly and did all the things right to get was finally mine but was taken away from me at the last minute. And that is a feeling I am not used to. I’m not used to openly wanting something very badly and I’m not used to unjustly having things taken from me. So that sucks.

I’m contemplating my personal limits with self-reliance and reaching out for support. It’s hard for me to grasp where relationships of any sort change from supportive to being a crutch. As I become more comfortable with the idea of opening myself up to a greater variety of people and letting them help carry me through highs and lows I wonder if I’m losing my strength. It’s always been an important part of the ME that I have created. But is it really an important part of the ME that I truly am?

And as a sub-category of this, I’m exploring the line between what is best for my personal happiness and what is best for those affected by my life choices. I’m so used to putting myself last in a variety of ways and it hasn’t brought me what I had imagined it would. I obviously wouldn’t be happy to make the lives of those around me terrible for the benefit of my own desires but there needs to be somewhere in between where things can rest more comfortably for us all.

On this day:

In 2010 – How to cook brussels sprouts
In 2009 – I don’t want head cancer
In 2008 – maybe she was sick
In 2007 – “you can’t NOT eat seafood and donairs while in Halifax”
In 2006 – fava beans!

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One Comment on “Enable Me”

  1. T says:

    “It’s hard for me to grasp where relationships of any sort change from supportive to being a crutch.”

    I think that is healthy thinking. One of the things I LEAST admire in couples I witness is the fake weaknesses people create so that the other person can have a strength.
    “I don’t know how to grill, that’s his job!”
    “Pick up the birthday cake from the store?!?! That’s her job, I don’t know how!”

    blech.

    On the other hand, how nice to not have to do everything alone or not have some things cause it doesn’t come natural to you to do those things.


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