This time, it’s not as hard.

It’s not about hopes and dreams. It’s not about hobbies.
It’s about NEEDS. I have them. The emotional kind.

When I was young they were not met.

At all.

So to keep from wallowing in the sorrow of emotional neglect, I turned all that emotion into I DON’T NEED YOU, OR YOU, OR… ANYBODY and I inhabited that space for a very long time. And pretty much still do although now I know that I do not want to and would really like to figure out how to open up that fortress.

I’ve definitely softened the walls a little over the years. I no longer go through life angry and bitter. I know that my walls are to keep my inner joys from being vulnerable to damage. I think that this keeps me in a pretty even mood in general. And that definitely has its advantages. But I think that from keeping myself from the possibility of feeling the lowest lows, I’m in turn keeping myself from being able to experience the highest highs.

On this day:

In 2011 – I really like all the points in this post. Except for the dog one.
In 2009 – grumps
In 2008 – on trying to understand my neighbours
In 2007 – colour coded
In 2006 – people often underestimate the importance of selecting the proper glue for the task at hand
In 2005 – I have brain parasites

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